Finding Light From Darkness
4/20/2018 12:00:00 AM | Softball
Baylor Bear Foundation
Just two years ago, Carlee Wallace was standing on top of the college softball world as the starting catcher for an Auburn team playing Oklahoma in the Women's College World Series finale.
Few, if any, knew of the pain and inner turmoil she was dealing with to the point where "I was brought to such a dark place in my life, I was essentially fighting for my life."
"I really didn't know if I had the strength to continue," said Wallace, who transferred to Baylor for her senior season. "I felt like every time I took a step forward, I got knocked back about 20. I just felt so beaten down and broken. Honestly, I felt like I was going to be sick if I ever touched a ball again.
"At that point, God is going to steal your heart that way. When you're broken down so far that there's no point of return, He is going to come in. And He saved me. I gave it to God. It's very cliché, and it's a lot easier said than done, but I had no other choice."
That re-commitment to follow Christ culminated in Wallace being baptized in the Pacific Ocean at Huntington Beach earlier this spring by volunteer assistant coach and Truett Seminary student Gavin Daniels when the Lady Bears softball team was in Fullerton, Calif., for the Judi Garman Classic.
"That's what I would like to claim as the foundation of our program is the core values of what Baylor is about, to be able to lead kids spiritually," coach Glenn Moore said. "Carlee made the decision a long time ago to follow Christ, but for her to follow through with the example He gave us in being baptized and allowing our team to be a part of that, it was pretty special."
Taking a course in Christian Scriptures this semester, Wallace said she found herself asking a lot of questions and trying to find her way, "because I had a lot of question marks that needed to be answered."
Wallace had broached the subject with Gavin, referencing being baptized in "living water, like the ocean, that would be so cool."
"I thought 'Yeah right, we're not going to do it,''' she said. "And then he comes up to me and he's like, 'Yeah, we planned it out, it's going to happen.' The fact that it was in my home state, where I was built, where I grew up, it was just a really special feeling."
A native of Alpine, Calif., who was tabbed the 11th-best player in the country by StudentSports.com when she played at Valhalla High School, Wallace played her first three seasons of college softball at Auburn and had unbelievable success on the field.
As a freshman, she hit .281 with five home runs and 29 RBI and was named to the WCWS all-tournament team. The next year, Wallace hit .287 with five homers and 42 RBI and earned second-team all-region honors for a team that lost to Oklahoma in the WCWS finals.
Last season, when she was a first-team all-conference pick, Wallace had a career year with a .333 batting average, seven homers, 20 doubles and 52 RBI.
But that was about the time when "I looked in the mirror and I didn't even know who I was anymore."
"I hated who I was," she said. "I felt like my skin was crawling, and I just wasn't happy. So yes, I have the championship rings, I have some awards and accolades I've won. But, I still was not happy. I'm working towards finding my greater purpose, and I feel like that's what I've been missing the last three years is focusing more on who I'm becoming in the process of who I need to be."
With the help of Daniels, the rest of the softball staff and her teammates, Wallace is taking steps to becoming the person God is calling her to be. Even on the field during practice and games, Daniels will challenge her with scripture references where she has to quote the second half.
"As I'm going through these changes in my life, it's really neat when I can get a little bit of scripture before I go to play," she said. "I picture now Jesus sitting up on our scoreboard on one of the pillars and my great-grandmother sitting up there, both of them with Baylor foam fingers. So, it's like He is all around me now and before He wasn't even a thought. Now, I think about Jesus all the time."
In some ways, this has been arguably Wallace's least productive season with a .311 average and just two home runs and 23 RBI for a 21st-ranked Baylor team (26-13, 4-6) that is playing Kansas (25-18, 0-9) this weekend at Getterman Stadium.
"I say that I didn't care, but I did," she said. "When it's all been kind of taken away from me, that's when I realized that I need to put my pride aside and I'm going to be the best teammate. I'm going to be the best catcher that can take care of the pitchers. If the accolades come, great. And if they don't, then that's not what I'm playing for anymore. I think that's where I've grown the most. I have a lot of growing to do, still, but I think I'm back on the right track."
The same can be said for the Baylor team. After getting swept in conference series against Oklahoma and Oklahoma State, the Lady Bears shut out Texas, 3-0, Tuesday and will play five of its last eight games at home.
"I feel like this is like my life in a lot of ways," Wallace said, "where I've been knocked down multiple times, tow here I didn't know if I was going to be able to get back up again. I didn't even know if softball was in the cards for me anymore. But, I kept fighting and I made that decision to give it to God.
"We've talked a lot, we've practiced, we've tried to do everything that we can to be better. I think it's ultimately going to lead up to where we just have to give it to God and run with it, and His will be done. And that maybe for us to not be successful this season and learn a greater lesson."
That's hard for Wallace to say, though, because she hates losing "more than I love winning."
"I'm a competitor, so that really irritates me to lose," she said. "I always think of Jesus flipping tables at the temple. That's exactly how I am, for different reasons, obviously."
DID YOU KNOW: On the fast-track nursing program at Baylor, Wallace will need only one more year to finish nursing school and then plans to eventually go to medical school and become a trauma surgeon. "My ultimate goal is to be able to look at someone's family and say, 'I may not know exactly what to do right now, or I may not know exactly how to fix this, but I know the One that knows how to fix this.' I really what that opportunity and privilege to help save a life."
