AN OPPORTUNITY FOR GREAT JOY

Through All the Trials, I Have Learned More About Myself and God

Champions' TriBUne 10/29/2020 10:10:00 AM

Champions' TriBUne Archive

By: Ryan Hodge

Champions' TriBUne is a special feature through Baylor Athletics that gives you the student-athlete's perspective and the chance for them to share their own story. Ryan Hodge, a junior from Mahomet, Ill., is majoring in mechanical engineering. The son of former Baylor All-American pole-vaulter David Hodge, Ryan has been a scoring runner in each of the Bears' meets this season going into Friday's Big 12 Cross Country Championships in Lawrence, Kan.:

When thinking about my time here at Baylor thus far, I see this culmination of highs and lows. Oftentimes, I look back and feel as if there have been a lot more lows than highs. Or, maybe a better way to put it is that the lows seem to stick out much more than the highs. I find it much more rewarding to dig and find all of the amazing highs that are so scattered within the lows, even if they are not always as apparent.

I think it's safe to say that I bleed green and gold. My mom and dad met at Baylor, and my four older sisters all graduated from Baylor as well. Growing up in a small town in Illinois, I often stuck out wearing Baylor gear to school. I had visited Baylor's campus many times growing up, and when my college search began in high school, Baylor was definitely a contender. My dad was an All-American pole-vaulter for Baylor back in the 1980s, so the track & field program at Baylor also was something that stood out to me.

Running in college was always something that I had wanted to do, but my times in high school were nothing incredible. They were good for Illinois, but on the national scale I was nothing spectacular. I had a good cross-country season my senior year of high school, and I was in the best shape of my life heading into outdoor track. Everything was lining up perfectly, until I started to feel this sharp pain in my lower back. Turns out, after much confusion and countless visits to the doctor, I had a stress fracture in my sacrum (part of the pelvis). This sat me out for the entirety of the outdoor season, as well as the majority of the summer leading up to my freshman year at Baylor. During this time, I lost nearly all of the fitness that I had been building throughout my high school career. While other schools that I had been talking to pulled away after my injury, Baylor did not, giving me the amazing opportunity to run at the Division I level. For that, I am forever grateful.

When I arrived in Waco for my freshman year, I was eager to start ramping up my mileage and get back into great shape. I had just come off my injury and was expecting to get redshirted for the fall cross country season. I went in for a standard check-up and get some scans done in my pelvic area to make sure everything was looking good. What they found was not what I was expecting. It turned out that I had very low bone density. I was well below the average number and was borderline osteoporotic. Clearly, this was a pretty big blow. I was sidelined from running on the ground for the majority of my first college semester. I became closely acquainted with the pool and an aqua jogging belt, which was not something I was hyped about. I remember questioning so many things during that time: Will I ever get back to running like I did in high school? Will I ever be able to just run without worrying about the elevated risk of stress fractures? Luckily, through large improvements in my nutrition and other factors, I was able to increase my bone density, and I am still continuing to increase it back to a normal level.

Ryan Hodge

I was able to run an indoor season during my freshman spring. Nothing stellar, but I got the opportunity to race, and that was enough for me. The majority of the spring was focused on slowly increasing my mileage and getting consistent running in. Heading into my sophomore year, I was able to get in a solid summer of training back home in Illinois. Later that fall, I completed my first cross-country season, and was pleased with the year that I had. Coming off of that season, I felt this fire lit under me. I wanted to grind during the winter and come back in the best shape that I had been in. I returned to Waco in January of my sophomore year, and was optimistic with the indoor season that was fast approaching. I got a couple of good races under my belt that season, but it all came tumbling down when I started to feel this sharp pain in my left foot. An MRI showed that I had four stress reactions in my foot. Saying that was a shock would be a huge understatement. That meant I would be out 4-6 weeks. I had built so much fitness and felt so good, I thought the outdoor season was going to be the kind of breakthrough I had been hoping for. But oddly enough, I felt a peace about the situation. Not an earthly peace, but a divine peace that God was working through the trial.

Ryan Hodge

Ever since I started running competitively, I have felt a calling in running. I feel as though God hasn't given me all the natural talent that some other runners have, but He has given me the grit and fighting spirit to excel. He has given me what I need, and that's all that matters. Oddly enough, when the news that I had another setback came, I was at peace. Leading up to that indoor season, I felt the Lord really highlighting that He wanted me to give my running completely to him. He wanted to get rid of any selfish motives that were driving me to run, and solely run for him. I held tightly to James 1:2, which says, "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy." I truly felt peace even during the storm that seemed to be raging outside. Looking back, I see that God taught me so much in that time of being injured. I could have easily let those early mornings in the pool be a crushing experience. But in those times, it was such valuable and rich times with just me and God. Of course, I wanted to be out at the track running with my teammates, who were all in the best shapes of their lives. But the Lord took the trial and taught me so many things that I wouldn't have learned if there wasn't a trial. I love how God uses the fire to refine us, and that is exactly what he did in that season.

Ryan Hodge

Flash forward a couple months, and the world was in a crisis. I headed back home to Illinois for the remainder of the 2020 spring semester. I was able to completely rest and not worry about swimming or biking and focus completely on getting my foot healed up. I started to progress back into running slowly. The opportunity to go to Colorado for the summer and train at altitude arose as one of my buddies from back home had an internship in the Denver area. Having come from a very successful high school cross country program, we have multiple alumni still running in college. So, we got two other guys to tag along, and all four of us got an Air B&B in Evergreen, Colo., for the summer. Training up there was an incredible experience. The summer progressed smoothly, and I felt like I was approaching really good shape to have a great cross-country season in the fall. But, as the summer progressed, COVID-19 did not shy away. The cross-country season was up in the air, and until we got to Waco in early August, we didn't know if we would have a season at all.

Ryan Hodge

Unfortunately, the trials didn't end for me. The beginning of the fall semester found me in a hotel room, locked away for 10 days as I had tested positive for COVID. Ten days off, with no running at all, definitely took its toll. And I found myself facing yet another setback. Once those 10 days were up, I progressed back into running once again. it was a slow struggle back, but I was able to regain the shape that I was in and pull together a solid season thus far.

Over the summer, I did a phone interview with a reporter from my hometown newspaper. I remember that that was the first time that I had really spilled out my whole collegiate running career. Leaving that phone call, I remember thinking, "Wow, I have had a really rough college career so far!" But instead of being disappointed about the struggle it has been, I noticed just how much I have learned in this time. I have learned more about myself and God in these last years than I have in any other season of my life. If I had to say the most important thing that I have learned, it is this: God doesn't owe me anything. I used to love God so that He would reward me with success in running and in my life. But what He has revealed to me is that He wants my whole heart, not expecting anything in return. Because He is worthy of our lives. He is just that good.

Ryan Hodge